You were having load spikes while all mods were disabled during testing. The average load increase with the mods enabled wasn't a massive jump and any exponential changes you are seeing is because you are trying to run forums getting hundreds of thousands of database hits on a 7200RPM SATA setup.
Basically your server isn't capable of doing what you want it to, it's not a problem with the mods or something we can "fix" for you. You need a server setup more suited to handling large amounts of database usage and most likely a better CPU as well. The server you said you are running should only be $150-200 at most, if you're paying double that I would strongly suggest finding a better host.
so we just moved to hivelocity as you suggested and got these two servers
As soon, the 2 mods(Thanks/Like & Tagging) are turned on, the load goes to 2.50 without them, it stays around 0.50. Normal? It does slow down the site quite a bit.
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